A Gratitude Hack- Write and Thank You Note

In a world full of conflict and uncertainty it is important to express gratitude for simple kindnesses and recognize acts of vast generosity. We at Capitol Manners are so appreciative of our clients and supporters. We have reopened our blog after a year of pay service. We feel the world needs more advice on how to be kind and how to treat people with respect and consideration. So, to celebrate that - our first post in 2023 will be on being thankful.

People appreciate being appreciated. There is something magical about hearing “thank you.” Sometimes, the situation calls for going beyond a simple verbal “thank you.” A thank you email, a simple thank you text “thx” - means everything. Even more valuable is a handwritten thank you note. It is important to learn gratitude from an early age.

Writing and sending thank you notes is a healthy habit to start and learn early. Especially if you live on your device and have not grown up with the tradition. There is a newness and authentic nature to sending out a handwritten note. We need to adjust our mindset because penning a thank you note is not simply great for lifting someone’s spirits, they are also great for lifting our own. It allows us to take a break from endless hours of sad news, negative messages on our phones and computers to focus on “the good.” 

Thank you notes are for so much more than just receiving a gift. You can thank people who give you their time, their thoughts, their patience, their information, their connections, and their hospitality. These generous acts may surround an annual event of milestone or occur throughout your life.

Writing a thank you note is not as complicated as you think. There is an easy formula for a thank you note. The best thank you note has five key characteristics. They are generous, specific, prompt, succinct, and personal. 

So, let us break it down: Start with “Dear, The person’s name.”

1. “Thank you for X…”

2. “I appreciate Y…”

3. “I enjoyed Z…”

4. “I look forward to…”

End with “Sincerely, Your name.”

Here is an example of a thank you note for a gift:

Dear Jane,

Thank you so much for the comfy sweater. I look forward to wearing it for years to come. Your thoughtful gift means so much to me.

Warmly, John

That is, it! The first sentence identifies the thing or event you are sending the note for. The second sentence points out something specific about the item or experience. The third sentence provides one more detail as to why you especially appreciated the item. The fourth sentence looks to the future. Here you can mention a future event or time you look forward to enjoying the item or seeing the person again. 

It is amazingly simple. Writing thank you notes also gives you a way to give yourself a break, take a minute, reflect on what you are thankful for and appreciate, on those people who help you, give you strength and support. Thankfulness forces us to reflect and realize we are blessed. 

If you want to take your thank you note writing skills up a notch you can go beyond simply signing Best, Sincerely, or something equally as generic at the end. And, put some thought and heart into it, and close on a high note!

If you are sending your note to a relative, you could write something like, from your niece, the one who knows you are the best aunt ever. If it is to a friend — let us say it is the one who gave you the coffee maker — your salutation could be, with love from the person to visit when you want the best coffee ever.

If you are thanking people for their party or dinner, touch on something you have not already mentioned about the event in your note: Daydreaming about your chocolate creme brûlée right now.

But you do not have to spend hours doing it or be a poet to write a thank you note that is appreciated- simply putting pen to paper and being thoughtful is a wonderful way to start. 

Cotillion: A Life Guide to Success that Isn’t Virtual

More and more Gen Zers are tuning into personal apps to learn social rules about what’s right and wrong to do in certain in person situations. But the lucky few (like you) receive a quality in-person lifetime of lessons in success by attending Cotillion.

Annually, we send a success guide off with each graduating young leader who have attended our 5-session finishing program. It serves as a summary, a reflection and more than a few seconds of knowledge for you to refer to as you move on to the next challenge of life. In the hope of contributing to environmental preservation, we are using our blog space to share the top line lessons each savvy, socially skilled VIP should have absorbed through Capitol Manners cotillion program.

Interested students can always contact us for personal consultations, especially those we’ve met with in middle school preparing for high school interviews - we are here for you to help you solve those first impression etiquette questions or challenges. If memory fails and a refresher is needed, just remember what you’ve learned at Cotillion and the root of all good manners is kindness. “Nothing is less important than which fork you use. Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is ethics. It is honor,” as Emily Post said.

This guide should help you succeed in almost any social challenge you face. WARNING: Bookmark this page for life. It’s a keeper!

Read this book!

Find a copy. It will change your life

The Six Habits of a Responsible Person That Lead to Success

According to Forbes magazine, 85% of our future success is based on having good social skills. Being responsible is the first step. Why? Because according to the great, social justice leader Mahatma Ghandi, “Beliefs become your thoughts. Thoughts become your words. Words become your actions. Actions become your habits. Habits become your values. Values become your destiny.” So, the six most important habits in life:

• Being on time and do not cancel at the last minute

• Have a positive attitude

• Do not talk poorly about others

• Use kind language and respect authority

• Apologize for mistakes

• Respect other’s opinions

The Six Magic Words and Phrases That are Worth More Than Money

These simple words are more powerful than any amount of money in the world to make people feel considered, valued, respected, acknowledged, and appreciated. No one has said it better than the iconic American writer and poet, Maya Angelou. “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Use these words over and over each day.

• Thank you

• Please

• May I?

• Excuse me

• I am sorry

• You are welcome

Eight Elements of Making a Good First Impression:

Eye Contact is Critical

Look up from your device. Hold their gaze for 6 seconds.

• Make eye contact – Try to look directly at the person you are speaking to for at least 6 seconds.

• Have a strong handshake – Shake a person’s hand firmly -web to web. Grab the person’s whole hand. Shake from the elbow, two shakes and let go.

• Speak up – Annunciation and pronunciation are the key.

• Include your first name and last name – Say your first name and last name when introducing yourself. We can’t all be “Beyonce.”

• Remember a friendly gesture – If you can’t shake hands, nod your head, bow, or touch elbows – acknowledging the other person is important.

• Don’t forget to have good body language – Stand up straight, don’t cross your arms in front of you blocking interaction, and remember to cross your legs appropriately. Make sure you are wearing the right clothes for the occasion.

• Smile – A person can see a smile from across a football field. Use your smile power.

• Provide a greeting – “Good morning,” “good afternoon,” “how are you?” These simple greetings go a long way.

Nine Top Dinner Manners

• Chew with your mouth closed.

• Keep your smartphone off the table and set to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal.

• Hold utensils correctly. Don’t use your fork or spoon like a shovel.

• Remember to use your napkin. Leave it on your lap during the meal and only put it back on the table when you are finished eating.

• Work from the outside to the inside when determining what utensil to use. Remember B and D…bread of the left and drinks on the right.

• Pace yourself with fellow diners. Cut only one piece of food at a time.

• Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating.

• Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you. Pass food clockwise from the right to left.

• Bring your best self to the meal. Take part in the dinner conversation.

Work from the Outside In

Remember B and D or BMW for car lovers. Bread on the left and Drink on the right.

Three Secret Powers of Having a Successful Conversation

• Lead with a compliment - Compliments are the best possible way to begin a conversation. Not only do they provide a perfect opening line but also a possible door for discussion. Just remember, the more specific your compliment is, the better.

• Ask open ended question -If you want to stimulate a conversation don’t simply ask “yes” or “no” questions

• Try “Tell me more?” Look for any opportunity that leads you to change the subject or get more out of your conversation partner. Questions are conversational fuel. Pay attention as much as you can to the conversation and use questions to move it forward.

Social Media Manners are a Must

• Exercise the Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you wouldn't speak to the person that way face to face, then don't do it online.

• Remember everything you post online is public - It doesn't matter whether or not you delete the message or text. If you've published it, it's traceable.

• DON'T USE ALL CAPS. All CAPS is a form of internet shouting.

• Speak kindly - There's another person on the receiving end.

• Don't post things when you're angry - It's never a good idea to post something when you're emotional. Take some time to clear your head. Don’t regret what you post.

• Don't post pictures of yourself or others unless you mind them being shared with everyone on the planet.

• Don't talk to strangers - Don't reveal confidential things. You may feel that you know the person on the other end of your cyber connection, but they might be a phony person.

• Don't give out personal and confidential information online - Never share your full name, home address, phone number, passwords, names of family members, or credit numbers. Never.

Social Media never dies

If you do not know them in person, don’t friend them. If you didn’t ask them, don’t post it.

Dancing in Cotillion is a Lessons on Dating

Often times the most fun and anxious portion of our cotillion program is the dance lessons. Humans by nature drawn towards the inhibition of dancing. But ballroom dancing for teens and young adults is often stressful to say the least. During this time, our students not only learn how to keep time with music, control the movements of their bodies while learning traditional couples dance steps but also how to partner a member of the opposite sex. Essential skills for dating. Here is what you learned at Cotillion about dating without knowing it.

• Offer your arm or hand – to your companion, date, mom, someone special you want to make a connection with. There is an invaluable simple power of embracing and holding hands that is so important to human interaction. Always ask permission first.

• Introduce yourself and use your first and last name - If you want to make a good impression, a lasting one, a person needs to know your first and last name when you meet them and that you have the confidence to say your name loudly and clearly.

• Offer to pull the chair out for your date – This is an especial note for our young gentlemen. You can even ask permission but always offer. Remember the secret is to just pull it out a foot to ensure enough too but not to much.

• Make eye contact – It is key to connecting with your date. Key to dancing with ease and important to make a connection. Why not do it?

• Give sincere compliments and open-ended questions – Everyone likes to know you enjoy their company, enjoy the conversation, know you are interested in them. Utilize your cotillion conversation skills while dating and you will be a success.

• Introduce her/him to those they don’t know – That makes them feel acknowledged and present. At cotillion you learned this invaluable skill.

• Offer to get her/him a refreshment – When you are at a party, and there is food and beverage its polite to offer to see your date a drink or snack. They will appreciate the gesture and reciprocate.

• Thank them for their company – At the end of the night or event, or after a dance, thank them for giving you their company time, for having a conversation or going on the date. Everyone likes to be appreciated.

• Work as a team – Cotillion is a priceless experience to learn manners but also through dance teamwork. If there is music playing find a partner. Enjoy yourself. Show off your skills. Don’t be afraid of embarrassing yourself and it’s better if it’s together.

Dance, Have Fun, Be Kind

It is that simple and doing these three things are the secret to a successful and fill life.

While rules on TikTok serve as a guide for users to better understand the offline world, the seeking out of this information online is creating a culture of digital surveillance. With American teens spending upwards of an hour and a half a day on TikTok, the inclination to search for life's answers on your FYP makes a lot of sense. But perhaps before DMing some random unqualified creator for situational rules, you can refer back to your in-person experience at Cotillion and this life guide. Because you committed the time to cotillion you are well on your way to be successful in life and on the dance floor. 

Note of Sweet Kindness

“Thank you for the candy.” That is what all the young ghouls and goblins should be saying this month during trick or treating. People appreciate being appreciated. It’s important to learn gratitude from a young age. Sometimes the situation calls for going beyond a simple verbal “thank you.” A thank you email, a simple thank you text “thx” - means everything. Even more valuable is a handwritten thank you note.

Writing and sending thank you notes is a healthy habit to start and learn early. Especially if you live on your devise and have not grown up with the tradition. For some reason, most of us have a mental block when it comes to sending out those handwritten notes. Where is the auto correct? Can I pull up an example to look at? 

But we need to adjust our mindset because penning a thank you note is not just great for lifting someone’s spirits, they are also great for lifting our own. It allows us to take a break from endless hours on our phones and computers. 

Thank you notes can elevate our relationships: Strengthening a friendship’s already-close bond or turning an acquaintance into a friend. Putting pen to paper can even benefit your self-esteem, your career, your chances to get closer to your mentor, boss or helpful study partner or team mate. 

Writing a thank you note is not as complicated as you think. There is an easy formula to a thank you note. The best thank you note has five key characteristics. They are generous, specific, prompt, succinct, and personal. 

Here is an example of a thank-you note for a gift:

Dear Jane,

Thank you so much for the comfy sweater. I look forward to wearing it for years to come. Your thoughtful gift means so much to me.

Warmly, John

And there are many gifts to send thank you notes for like birthday, baby and wedding showers, anniversary and holiday gifts. But thank you notes are for so much more than just receiving a gift. You can thank people who give you their time, their thoughts, their patience, their information, their connections, and their hospitality. These generous acts may surround an annual event of milestone or occur throughout your life.

So, let us break it down: Start with “Dear, The person’s name”

1.     “Thank you for X…”

2.     “I appreciate Y…”

3.     “I enjoyed Z…”

1. “I look forward to…”

End with “Sincerely, Your name.”

That is, it! The first sentence identifies the thing or event you are sending the note for. The second sentence points out something specific about the item or experience. The third sentence provides one more detail as to why you especially appreciated the item. The fourth sentence looks to the future. Here you can mention a future event or time you look forward to enjoying the item or seeing the person again. 

It is very simple. Writing thank you notes also give you a way to give yourself a break, take a minute, reflect on what you are thankful for and appreciate, on those people who help you, give you strength and support. Thankfulness forces us to reflect and realize we are blessed. 

If you want to take your thank you note writing skills up a notch you can go beyond simply signing Best, Sincerely, or something equally as generic at the end. And, put some thought and heart into it, and close on a high note!

If you are sending your note to a relative, you could write something like, From your niece, the one who knows you are the best aunt ever. If it is to a friend — let us say it is the one who gave you the coffee maker — your salutation could be, With love from the person to visit when you want the best coffee ever.

If you are thanking people for their party or dinner, touch on something you have not already mentioned about the event in your note: Daydreaming about your chocolate creme brûlée right now.

But you don’t have to be a poet to write a thank you note that’s appreciated- simply putting pen to paper and being thoughtful is a great way to start. 

This Autumn’s Cotillion Season Everyone Can Be Pretty

Courtesy and respect are social skills that are hit and miss at best in today’s society. Summer courtesies might include not flinging sand on your neighbors when you leave the beach. But Fall, glorious Fall brings a return to school or a job for some and preparation for navigating more formal settings. The summer Netflix hit “The Summer I Turned Pretty” brought the idea of attending Cotillion front a center to the modern teen experience. Fall is a perfect time to plan to attend one. This is especially true if you are at an age when you are looking to make a good impression at school interviews, new internship, or grade, or if you are beginning to date and planning to attend a dance or social occasion.

Participating in a Cotillion is not exactly like how it is depicted in the show but pretty close. Cotillions are a perfect place to learn or to better you social abilities in a fun, relaxed environment where your peers are learning the same skills.

Here are a few answers to key questions that can demystify a Cotillion experience.

What is a Cotillion? A Cotillion social education program instructs students about good manners and social graces and uses dance as a tool to teach public and character skills not normally covered in school. That’s really it and frankly the experience is priceless.

Why are Skills Taught at Cotillion Important? Studies by Harvard University, Stanford Research Institute and the Carnegie Foundation indicate that over 85 percent of one’s career success is directly connected to one’s social skills. Learning proper etiquette or comportment like, how to act in a public formal setting, developing a firm handshake, being able to look a person in the eye and holding a conversation are all skills that add up to a worthy investment in your future success. And yes- even navigating the dance floor is an important skill.

Why Should You Attend a Cotillion When You Are a Teenager? Cotillions are a chance to bring a ceremonial rite of passage of growing up to life — to really feel that ritual of aging like different cultures do and in the United States Cotillions are a different ways of marking that moment between childhood and adulthood.

If They are Criticized as Old Fashion by Some, Why are Cotillions Important to Today’s Teenagers? Cotillions are based on teaching courtesy and respect, and that includes appropriate ways to interact in the adult world and with the opposite sex. Through dance and etiquette instruction, Cotillions provide safe situations where members of the opposite gender can talk to one another, interact, smile, make eye contact, dance and practice treating each other kindly without judgement or worry.

Why do Cotillions Focus on Social Partner Dancing? The physical interaction associated with partner dancing provides a unique opportunity to develop teamwork and cooperation skills. Free form dancing, on the other hand, is a unique expression of personal style which cannot be taught. Cotillions often encourage students to use both partner and freeform dancing for their enjoyment. 

Whether it is learning how to give a firm handshake or how to dance the waltz, the skills taught in cotillion classes are ones that will come in handy throughout your life.

Why Should I Attend Cotillion if I Could be Doing Other Things?  Lessons learned at Cotillion on comportment and other skills can help a young person who participates take advantage of all the economic, social, educational, or even political opportunities of today. All the lessons that are taught help students find friends, keep friends, impress teachers, speak to adults, build in-person bonds, navigate relationships with the opposite sex. And ultimately know how to present yourself, how to network with others, really important life skills that you can use to do what you’ve got to do to be successful and well liked. You garner an amazing sense of accomplishment, though there won’t be a major dance number to perform at the end of the Cotillion like in the TV show you will learn to socially dance, move to music and be confidents amongst peers and adults.

No matter how you feel about Cotillion, it will be an experience unlike any other you'll have in your lifetime. Collecting new experiences is always interesting!

Summer Regatta Teaches Rules to Live By

Summer by the Coast usually means you will see a massive number of sail boats on the bay, along the river, lake, or ocean side. In August, Capitol Manners staff attended the Maryland State Junior Regatta Championships. We assisted a team prep for victory. We had a chance to talk to the young sailors whose ages ranged from 12-19 years old. These young people, who were up at the crack of dawn, tying ropes, pulling dollies, threading ring dings, raising the mast on lasers had one thing in common – bravery. The bravery to get in a boat and sail on a course with the goal of going as fast as possible as safe as possible according to the rules of sailing. It is exhilarating to watch them. It is amazing to see the youth of our time show such sportsmanship. After returning from our time talking success and manners with this group, we thought we would use our August blog to share a few lifestyle leadership tips we learned from watching these voyagers in action.

1.     Respect the ramp. Good boating etiquette starts before you enter the water - at the dock. Prepare your boat and equipment before getting into position to launch. Anything else is disrespectful to fellow boaters. Leaders are respectful of other’s time and space.

2.     Own your wake. The fastest way to be considered annoying on the water is to literally throw a big, obtrusive wave at another boat, swimmer, or angler. This is much more than being a nuisance. It is dangerous. Stay at least two hundred feet from the shoreline and other boaters. Leaders give other’s room to maneuver.

3.     Know the rules. A good sailor is familiar with waterway markers and navigation rules, which dictate how you operate your vessel in order to prevent collision. Does the body of water you are on have a speed limit or slow-no-wake restriction? Leaders know their success depends on knowing the rules and how to succeed without cheating.

4.     Do not touch other’s belongings. If you come across a boat berthed in your way or inconsiderably, don’t move it. It is extremely bad manners to touch anyone’s boat. It is also bad manners to leave all your stuff scattered about the walkway or deck. Leaders keep track of their belongings, assignments and pick up after themselves and their hands are off other’s belongings.

5.     Make safety a priority. If you are the captain, you need to be prepared with the safety gear for your craft. Set a good example by always wearing a life jacket and have enough life jackets for each person onboard. Leader’s top priority is their own safety and the safety of those around them.

6.     Give a wave. Boating is all about having fun and being part of the boating community. When passing another boat, give a little wave “hello.” Leaders embrace life and are friendly no matter the setting.

7.     Control Your Noise. Clanging halyards and rumbling generators will quickly annoy your neighbors, so will loud music. If you are having a party – invite the neighbors over, even if they do not come, at least you would have practiced good etiquette and your noise might not upset them as much as if they had not had an invitation at all. Leaders know it is better to be kind than risk upsetting those around them.

These are all amazing life rules for anyone not just leaders. All of them put together will help you succeed in any setting. It reminds me of the sailor’s saying “I’m not afraid of storms for I’m learning to sail my ship.” That is life, right? If we all know how to sail our boat, we can navigate any waters.

First Job Jitters? Try “No Problem” Charm

The summertime is a time of year when our young leadership students try out their first time as interns or employees. As we prepared some of our youngest teen employee students this season for their first job as lifeguards, catties, valets, or poolside servers, and even summer camp counselors, it occurred to me so many of their jobs had one thing in common - PEOPLE. And people love to hear the phrase “no problem.” Can I have another drink? No problem. Can you help me with my bags? No problem. I am sorry I need a different size…my car now… my crying child needs help. – “NO PROBLEM.” This is the key phrase and secret to win friends, influence new employers and success for any summer job. Here are the other top ten rules to succeed in your first job – whether it is as an intern this Fall or poolside this Summer.

 1. Introduce yourself appropriately

When meeting someone on your first day for the first time, stand up to shake their hand while stating your full name. The only exception to the handshake is if you are sick. Many companies have their own set of acceptable etiquette rules, so it is important to observe how members of upper management carry themselves and make the effort to mirror their manners. 

2. Make it a habit to be prompt

Being on time has been ingrained into your set of values since childhood. Repeated tardiness makes you look discourteous and sends a message to your colleagues, bosses, and clients that your time is more valuable than theirs. Always plan to give yourself extra time, so that if something unexpected happens—like a traffic jam—you will not be late.

3. Put away your mobile device

It is difficult to seem approachable if you are busying yourself by staring at your phone, and it could send a negative message about your ability to pay attention in meetings or focus on work. Do not look at your phone, text, post or talk on your phone while you are on the job – just do not.

4. Dress appropriately

A lot of offices are considered “business casual” or even simply “casual” in which employees and even bosses may wear jeans and flip-flops. It can be tempting to adopt the most casual look you can get away with but the best thing to do is to dress one notch up from the office norm. Striving to mirror your boss’s style or level of formality is a sure way to ensure you are dressing appropriately.

5. Ask people how they wish to communicate

This is important because your message is more likely to be received when you communicate in a style that is easiest for the recipient. Someone who wishes to stick to work email may be put off if they receive a text message from you about work. Others may be awful at checking email and prefer to speak directly via phone call. Everyone has a preferred method of communication.

6. Avoid interrupting

Let others finish speaking without interrupting. This is basic proper etiquette no matter the situation. Cutting someone off to interject your own opinion or input, sends a message that you think your opinion matters more than theirs, or that you are completely uninterested in hearing what they have to say.

7. Use people’s names

If you are not sure you heard or remember their name correctly, ask them. Use their name throughout the conversation if it can be done organically but do not overdo it. Constantly repeating their name over and over is obviously forced. Next time you see the person, greet them by name.

8. Be reliable

If you have committed to be somewhere or do something, always honor your word. You will build trust with colleagues and contacts. Follow through. This will build a reputation that you are dependable and trustworthy.

9. Save personal talk for outside of work

Personal conversations should be left at the door when you enter the office. Not only could you offend someone or make them feel left out, but you could also send the message that your personal life is more important than doing your job. Furthermore, some overheard personal conversations could land you in the HR office, so it is best to wait until after work to have them.

10. Practice personal air space etiquette

Working closely with others is inevitable. Keep phone conversations to an appropriate noise level, be cognizant of distractions and annoying noises that may prevent coworkers from focusing on work, disturb clients or guests and keep smells to the absolute minimum. You do not want to trigger allergies with your perfume or cologne or subject your colleagues to microwaved leftover burrito smells.

Summer Time is a Perfect Time for a Manners Reboot

We do not often get uninterrupted time with our kids, our busy teens, or preteens or especially our children who are planning to soon fly off to college. If you are lucky to be off zoom this summer and have a holiday trip planned, then that long car ride, or flight, leisurely bus or train trip is the perfect time to help your young person reboot their manners and social kindness. This occurred to me when we recently took a road trip and stopped at a child’s play area and there was a sign by the handicap door exit that said, “Do Not Kick.” Apparently, children were kicking the door “open” button rather than pressing it. As you can imagine if this was your house you would find it completely unacceptable - even in the age of germaphobia. As you make plans to be back amongst people, after a long year of COVID travel delay consider using this time wisely to brush up with the special young people in your life the seven essentials of public etiquette rules.

1. Saying “Please” and “Thank You”

This is one of the first basic manners to teach your child, but we forget it in a rushed and often virtual world. The importance of saying “please” when asking for something and “thank you” when receiving something cannot be overemphasized. Put this into practice at all times, model this behavior especially when you are out in public, and others are serving and assisting you so it will eventually come naturally for your children to learn and do.

2. Saying “Sorry”

Along with “please” and “thank you,” saying sorry when you have done something wrong is also an important habit to instill in your child. When you bump someone on the train, walk in front of someone in a store, “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” works wonders. Teach your child when and where to say sorry, it is a magic word. Empathy is a skill they have to learn and repeat.

3. Covering One’s Mouth When Sneezing or Coughing

Especially in the era where COVID still lingers, teaching your kids to cover their mouths when they sneeze, or cough is vital. Also, teach them that picking one’s nose in public is considered rude and unpleasant, so too is touching every surface and handle in public areas. These days it is not only a part of good manners, but also essential hygiene.

4. Not Making Fun of People

When you travel you encounter all different types of people. This should be taught very early on, and if it is not, children might be tempted to stare or think it is okay to make fun of people. They should be taught that it is never okay to hurt someone’s feelings by making fun of them, pointing at them, staring, talking loud about their looks or features or bullying them in public or private.

5. Showing Respect to Elders

Young people should be taught to show respect to their parents, grandparents, teachers, and any other adults they encounter. One way of doing this can be by always serving food to the elders, before the kids, or giving up a seat on public transport to an older adult, while your kid is watching. Keeping a door open for an elder traveler, letting an older person check in first or allowing an older person more time to walk in front of you shows them respect they deserve. Kids can learn through these lessons that showing deference to age indicates good manners.

6. Learning and Remembering People’s Names

Using and remembering someone’s name shows that you have tried to recognize and remember them. Whether it is the bellman, your favorite waiter at the pool, the front desk manager, summer is a harried time for those who work in service and simply remembering someone’s name can help make your stay and their day even more enjoyable. Teach your kid to remember a friend’s name or family member’s name by using it often with him or her.

7. Being a Good Guest

Teach your kids to be considerate and polite when visiting their friend’s homes or grandma’s house or that Airbnb you have been waiting to stay in. They should know how to be adaptable to their host’s schedules, not be stubborn or fussy with the food served, clean up after themselves and to respect other people’s property and time. Kids should also be taught to greet and thank their hosts and to always respect the property of the hotel or home they are visiting.

Travel is amazing for the soul. Family time that focuses on leisure, fun, sun, and long hours just doing nothing are an amazing gift. So too are lessons from mom and dad as to what is really important in life. Use this summer to offer your kids the gift of a manners reboot. If they are experts on these seven lessons by summer’s end, they will be light years ahead of their peers when Autumn comes and better people for it.

Cotillion Guide to Success

It is that time a year when our spring cotillions wrap up and we look forward to sending all of our many graduates off to wonderful summers, next adventures, new schools, and new, exciting, social situations. Annually, we send a success guide off with each graduating young leader. But this year we are doing something different. In the hope of contributing to environmental preservation and per the suggestion of our students, this year we are going paperless. We are using our blog space to share the top line lessons each savvy, socially skilled young leader should have absorbed through Capitol Manners cotillion program.

Interested students can always contact us for personal consultations, a list of further lessons, or just to be in contact on how to solve a tricky etiquette question or challenge. But if memory fails and a refresher is needed, just remember the root of all good manners is kindness. “Nothing is less important than which fork you use. Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is ethics. It is honor,” as Emily Post said.

This guide should help you succeed in almost any social challenge you face. So here we go. WARNING: Bookmark this page for life. It’s a keeper!

The Six Habits of a Responsible Person That Lead to Success

According to Forbes magazine, 85% of our future success is based on having good social skills. Being responsible is the first step. Why? Because according to the great, social justice leader Mahatma Ghandi, “Beliefs become your thoughts. Thoughts become your words. Words become your actions. Actions become your habits. Habits become your values. Values become your destiny.”

• Being on time and do not cancel at the last minute

• Have a positive attitude

• Do not talk poorly about others

• Use kind language and respect authority

• Apologize for mistakes

• Respect other’s opinions

The Six Magic Words and Phrases That are Worth More Than Money

These simple words are more powerful than any amount of money in the world to make people feel considered, valued, respected, acknowledged and appreciated. No one has said it better than the iconic American writer and poet, Maya Angelou. “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Use these words over and over each day.

• Thank you

• Please

• May I?

• Excuse me

• I am sorry

• You are welcome

The Eight Essential Characteristics of Making a Good First Impression

• Make eye contact – Try to look directly at the person you are speaking to for at least 6 seconds.

• Have a strong handshake – Shake a person’s hand firmly -web to web. Grab the person’s whole hand. Shake from the elbow, two shakes and let go.

• Speak up – Annunciation and pronunciation are the key.

• Include your first name and last name – Say your first name and last name when introducing yourself. We can’t all be “Beyonce”.

• Remember a friendly gesture – If you can’t shake hands, nod your head, bow, or touch elbows – acknowledging the other person is important.

• Don’t forget to have good body language – Stand up straight, don’t cross your arms in front of you blocking interaction, and remember to cross your legs appropriately. Make sure you are wearing the right clothes for the occasion.

• Smile – A person can see a smile from across a football field. Use your smile power.

• Provide a greeting – “Good morning”, “good afternoon”, “how are you?” These simple greetings go along way.

The Nine Must Know Top Dinner Manners

• Chew with your mouth closed.

• Keep your smartphone off the table and set to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal.

• Hold utensils correctly. Don’t use your fork or spoon like a shovel.

• Remember to use your napkin. Leave it on your lap during the meal and only put it back on the table when you are finished eating.

• Work from the outside to the inside when determining what utensil to use. Remember B and D…bread of the left and drinks on the right.

• Pace yourself with fellow diners. Cut only one piece of food at a time.

• Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating.

• Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you. Pass food clockwise from the right to left.

• Bring your best self to the meal. Take part in the dinner conversation.

The Six Secret Powers of Having a Successful Conversation

• Lead with a compliment - Compliments are the best possible way to begin a conversation. Not only do they provide a perfect opening line but also a possible door for discussion. Just remember, the more specific your compliment is, the better.

• Embrace small talk – You can talk about the event you’re attending, comment on a food or drink item, point something out about the venue, or you can talk about the weather. These are all shared experiences that anyone can relate to.

• Ask a lot of questions - Look for any opportunity that leads you to change the subject. Questions are conversational fuel. Pay attention as much as you can to the conversation and use them to move it forward.

• Be nice - Walk into the conversation with a big smile and open body language. Try not to cross your arms, appear distracted or let your eyes wander.

• Let the other person do the talking - You go into a conversation and immediately begin dominating it with your own anecdotes, comments and explanations, the other person may immediately become disinterested.

• Keep it light - Remember to keep the conversation as light and approachable as possible. If you immediately start complaining about your job or talking about what’s wrong with your life, people will want to avoid you. If you tell a joke or an amusing story, they’ll be far more likely to stay. 

Social Media Manners are a Must

• Exercise the Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you wouldn't speak to the person that way face to face, then don't do it online.

• Remember everything you post online is public - It doesn't matter whether or not you delete the message or text. If you've published it, it's traceable.

• DON'T USE ALL CAPS. All CAPS is a form of internet shouting.

• Speak kind- ly - There's another person on the receiving end.

• Don't post things when you're angry - It's never a good idea to post something when you're emotional. Take some time to clear your head. Don’t regret what you post.

• Don't make up silly email addresses - You will use your email address for college applications, job applications, resumes, and scholarship opportunities.

• Don't post pictures of yourself or others unless you mind them being shared with everyone on the planet - Ask yourself if your parents would approve. If it's a friend's photo, ask yourself if their parents would want that photo posted. If the answer's "no" then don't.

• Don't talk to strangers - Don't reveal confidential things. You may feel that you know the person on the other end of your cyber connection, but they might be a phony person.

• Don't give out personal and confidential information online - Never share your full name, home address, phone number, passwords, names of family members, or credit numbers. Never.

Dating Pointers Learned Through Dance

Often times the most fun and anxious portion of our cotillion program is the dance lessons. Humans by nature have a love hate relationship with the controlled inhibition of dancing. And ballroom dancing for teens and young adults is often stressful to say the least. But during this time our students not only learn how to keep time with music, control the movements of their bodies while learning traditional couples dance steps but also how to treat a member of the opposite sex. Essential skills for dating. Here is what you learned at Cotillion about dating without knowing it.

• Offer your arm or hand – to your companion, date, mom, someone special you want to make a connection with. There is an invaluable simple power of embracing and holding hands that is so important to human interaction. Always ask permission first.

• Introduce yourself and use your first and last name - If you want to make a good impression, a lasting one, a person needs to know your first and last name when you meet them and that you have the confidence to say your name loudly and clearly.

• Offer to pull the chair out for your date – This is an especial note for our young gentlemen. There is gender equity today and there are simple acts of kindness. You can even ask permission but always offer. Remember the secret is to just pull it out a foot to ensure enough too but not to much.

• Make eye contact – It is key to connecting with your date. Key to dancing with ease and important to make a connection. Why not do it?

• Give sincere compliments and open-ended questions – Everyone likes to know you enjoy their company, enjoy the conversation, know you are interested in them. Utilize your cotillion conversation skills while dating and you will be a success.

• Introduce her/him to those they don’t know – That makes them feel acknowledged and present. At cotillion you learned this invaluable skill.

• Offer to get her/him a refreshment – When you are at a party, and there is food and beverage its polite to offer to see your date a drink or snack. They will appreciate the gesture and reciprocate.

• Thank them for their company – At the end of the night or event, or after a dance, thank them for giving you their company time, for having a conversation or going on the date. Everyone likes to be appreciated.

• Dance with him or her – Cotillion is a priceless experience to learn manners and dance. If there is music playing find a partner. Enjoy yourself. Show off your skills. Don’t be afraid of embarrassing yourself. You have the skills now. They will just enjoy you asked and because you committed the time to cotillion you are well on your way to be successful in life and on the dance floor

Mother's Day Table Manners Gift

Mother’s Day is coming. What better way to impress your mother on her day than to brush up on your table manners for the next Sunday brunch. Table manners are the rules of etiquette used while eating, which may also include the use of utensils. Different cultures observe different rules for table manners. Each family or group sets its own standards for how strictly these rules are to be followed. Some of these customs have evolved over centuries to make the practice of eating with others pleasant and sociable. With so many table manners to keep track, keep these basic, but oh-so-important, table manners in mind as you eat:

1)            Chew with your mouth closed.

2)            Keep your phone off the table and set to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal and away from the table.

3)            Hold utensils correctly. Do not use your fork or spoon like a shovel, or stab your food with your knife.

4)            Do not groom or attend to hygiene at the table.

5)            Remember to use your napkin.

6)            Wait until you are done chewing to sip or swallow a drink.

7)            Pace yourself with fellow diners. Cut and eat only one piece of food at a time.

8)            Avoid slouching and do not place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing after dinner and the table is cleared).

9)            Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.

10)         Wait until everyone else has been served before starting to eat.

Two important priceless tips you can use to survive any meal includes the rule of “outside-in” and “B and D” rule. Deciding which knife, fork, or spoon to use is made easier by the outside-in rule – use the utensils on the outside first and work your way inward. So, if you are served a salad first, use the fork set to the far left of your plate. Your water glass is the one above the knife in your place setting and your bread plate is to the left. To remember which bread plate belongs to you and if the glass in front of you belongs to you or your neighbor, use “b” and “d”. Touch the index finger on your right hand to your right thumb. Touch the index finger on your left hand to your left thumb. The “b” formed by your left hand is for “bread” (your bread plate is always at the left of your place setting). The “d” formed by your right hand is for “drink” (your drinking glasses are always at the right of your place setting).

The Continental Style prevails at all meals, formal and informal across the globe. Learn this contemporary style of dining to impress your mother, because it is a natural, non-disruptive way to eat.

•             Hold your fork in your left hand, tines downward.

•             Hold your knife in your right hand, an inch or two above the plate.

•             Extend your index finger along the top of the blade.

•             Use your fork to spear and lift food to your mouth.

When you pause to take a sip of your beverage or to speak with someone, rest your knife and fork on your plate near the center, slightly angled in an inverted V and with the tips of the knife and fork pointing toward each other. When each course is finished place the knife and fork parallel with the handles in the four o'clock position on the right rim of the plate.

Whether you are dining at a restaurant or hosting your mother for a casual meal at your house remember to serve her as the guest of honor first. Remember during service of a formal dinner, the food is brought to each diner at the table; the server presents the platter or bowl on the diner's left. At a formal affair, plates are removed by a professional staff to the right. At a more informal meal serving dishes are passed. Pass to the right (if the item is not being passed to a specific person). One diner either holds the dish as the next diner takes some food, or he hands it to the person, who then serves herself. If bread is passed, place the bread and butter on your butter plate - yours is on your left - then break off a bite sized piece of bread, put a little butter on it, and eat it. Always pass the salt and pepper together.

Do not forget good napkin manners as the last element to impress your Mother. Napkins should be picked up, unfolded, and placed on the lap, but not above the table level. A large dinner napkin is folded in half, with the fold facing the body. Do not wipe your mouth with the napkin; instead, blot it. If you need to leave the table place your napkin on your chair. When you finished with your meal the napkin goes on the left of your plate refolded.

Your mother was the first to feed you; dine with you; smile as you tried new foods; wipe your mouth; and, teach you to use your silverware. She loves you no matter what your manners and would be proud if you dusted off your manners in her honor.

A Habit You Will Be Thankful to Start

Who does not love receiving thanks or gratitude from someone you have helped? People appreciate being appreciated. Sometimes a thank you email, a simple thank you text “thx” - means everything. But, even more valuable is a handwritten thank you note? Writing and sending thank you notes is sometimes a habit hard to start. Especially if you live on your devise and have not grown up with the tradition. For some reason, most of us have a mental block when it comes to sending out those handwritten heartfelt missives. Where is the auto correct? Can I pull up an example to look at? 

But we need to adjust our mindset because penning a thank you note is not just great for lifting someone’s spirits, they are also great for lifting our own. It allows us to take a break from endless hours on our phones and computers. 

Thank you notes can elevate our relationships: Strengthening a friendship’s already-close bond or turning an acquaintance into a friend. Putting pen to paper can even benefit your self-esteem, as well as your physical and psychological health according to Psychology Today magazine.

But before we feel good about sending greetings of gratitude, we need to actually write down our thoughts on paper. It is not as complicated as you think. There is an easy formula to a thank you note.

The best thank you note has five key characteristics. 

They are generous, specific, prompt, succinct and personal. Here is an example of a thank-you note for a gift:

Dear Jane,

Thank you so much for the comfy sweater. I look forward to wearing it for years to come. Your thoughtful gift means so much to me.

Warmly, John

And there are many gifts to send thank you notes for. There are birthday, baby and wedding showers, anniversary and holiday gifts. But thank you notes are for so much more than just receiving a gift. You should be alert to the many occasions when you can thank people who give you their time, their thoughts, their patience, their information, their connections, and their hospitality. These generous acts may surround an annual event of milestone or occur throughout your life.

So, let us break it down: Start with “Dear, The person’s name”

1.     “Thank you for X…”

2.     “I appreciate Y…”

3.     “I enjoyed Z…”

End with “Sincerely, Your name.”

That is, it! The first sentence identifies the thing or event you are sending the note for. The second sentence points out something specific about the item or experience. The third sentence provides one more detail as to why you especially appreciated the item. Here you can improvise too and say something about the future, like a future event or time you look forward to enjoying the item or seeing the person again.

It is very simple. Writing thank you notes also give you a way to give yourself a break, take a minute, reflect on what you are thankful for and appreciate, on those people who help you, give you strength and support. It is a very true saying that you can’t feel grateful and upset at the same time. Thankfulness forces us to reflect and realize we are blessed.

You can be thanking people for items beyond a material gift. If you are thanking friends for a party, mention details about the event that you will hold as memories: a favorite food, the table decorations, someone at the party you enjoyed meeting, or anything else that comes to mind as special.

If you are thanking them for a kindness (they picked you up from school every day for two weeks, they helped you move, offered you coffee when you were down, they loaned you their grill for a backyard party you hosted), mention how you benefited from their kindness and how you are touched by it.

If you want to take your thank you note writing skills up a notch you can go beyond simply signing Best, Sincerely, or something equally as generic at the end. And, put some thought and heart into it, and close on a high note!

If you are sending your note to a relative, you could write something like, From your niece, the one who knows you are the best aunt ever. If it is to a friend — let us say it is the one who gave you the coffee maker — your salutation could be, With love from the person to visit when you want the best coffee ever.

If you are thanking people for their party or dinner, touch on something you have not already mentioned about the event in your note: Daydreaming about your chocolate creme brûlée right now.

But you don’t have to be a poet to write a thank you note that will be appreciated simply putting pen to paper is  a great way to start.