Thanksgiving is a time for cooking, eating and hopefully for spending time with family and friends. I’ve hosted our Thanksgiving gatherings for decades, slaved over the preparations, cooking, planning, serving, and cleaning. This year family couldn’t join us. We plan to volunteer at a local free community meal and participate in an Anti-Hunger Turkey Trot. If you have agreed to host Thanksgiving this year, never fear all will go well, no matter what happens. Seriously, it’s being together with the ones you love that matters most. Consider these seven expert tips Capitol Manners shared with a recent group of teens who took our “Teen Scene: Manners Prep” program on hosting a memorable meal and toss your jitters (and not the giblets) out the window!
Accommodating Guest’s Dietary Needs But Don’t Kill Yourself: Guests understand their restricted-diet needs better than anyone else and can best prepare meals in their own allergen free kitchen. Make a few simple sides of veggies if your worried. Know the ingredients in your dishes if asked. Hosts aren’t obligated to accommodate every guest’s special dietary needs, such as tree-nut or egg allergies; and kosher, halal, gluten-free, sugar-free and dairy-free diet requests.
Dress code But Not Dress Up: A casual, fun-filled day calls out for ‘smart casual’ attire of trousers, sweaters, blouses, vests, and comfortable clothes. For the host too, don’t over dress, you are working today. But don’t host your Thanksgiving in flip flops and sweats either. Ladies, shoes and lipstick are required.
Place Cards Create Less Work Not More: It’s more fun, keeps the rebel rousers in line and mixes up the cast of family, friends, and neighbors to use a seating plan and place cards. Split married couples, but not newlyweds. Give a mom a night off and don’t seat her next to her most rebellious child, or two siblings together. Seat introverts next to out-going guests and elders adjacent to youngsters. It’s amazing the life lessons learned when children sit next to older relatives.
Toast But Don't Lecture: A toast welcoming guests and expressing gratitude sets a positive tone. Briefly reconfirm conversation no-noes. As a host making a toast to the table, toasting etiquette states the entire table is welcome to drink, juice in sippy cups, punch for the teens, everyone should raise a glass. Families are hard pressed to eat meals together these days so remind guests to pass food to the right or counter clockwise. And, if the meal is served that they will be served on their left side and their plate cleared from the right.
Stay Current But Not Political: The host is also responsible to set the tone and keep up the conversation during the meal. Make pleasant conversation referencing current events. But say ‘no’ to political conversations. Of course, avoiding Trump-talk may be difficult just two weeks post-election, but biting your tongue is a good idea. Have 4-5 interesting conversation starters planned; ‘Where is your next travel destination; leisure or adventure?” Other examples include musical concert, bestselling books, new movies, sporting events, new restaurants, and holiday memories. Prying, personal questions push all the wrong buttons. Be prepared to respond with humor so the questioner doesn’t sense a weak spot. ‘I avoid visiting about private topics when the food is so good. How do you like the stuffing?”
Set a Schedule and Plan for Diversion: Set an approximate schedule to allow planning and avoid chaos. Provide a soft deadline so guests don’t skid in 15 minutes before dinner starts. Let guest know if they arrive at 12, dinner will be served at 1:00 or 3:00 p.m. So, they know when to arrive and allow for visits with other friends and family and, also how to avoids too much ‘together time’. Set up a separate, fun room for kids with art supplies, games, toys and movies. Plan outside activities, encourage playing a flag football game, raking leaves or a neighborhood walk. Outdoor games, like the ever popular “corn hole” are always a hit.
Plan for the Knowns and Un-knowns: The possibility of something going sideways exists when family and alcohol mix during high-stress holidays. Always plan for an invited guest to join or extra child coming along. If a guest goes on a rogue political rant, be prepared with an immediate change of topic to Aunt Lynn’s cranberry recipe or that Celebrity Chef’s fried turkey recipe. If they continue unabated, ask if you can speak to them privately. When out of earshot of other guests, acknowledge their concerns and advise them this isn’t the time or place.
The Holidays are always a stressful time and today’s politics can drive anyone insane. There’s no need to embarrass yourself or stress out in front of family and friends. Contact Capitol Manners for training, questions or for help. Do your best with the meal, plan ahead to avoid social gathering mishaps and enjoy these tips for an elegant, stress free Thanksgiving filled with family, friends, and joy!