It is that time a year when our spring cotillions wrap up and we look forward to sending all of our many graduates off to wonderful summers, next adventures, new schools, and new, exciting, social situations. Annually, we send a success guide off with each graduating young leader. But this year we are doing something different. In the hope of contributing to environmental preservation and per the suggestion of our students, this year we are going paperless. We are using our blog space to share the top line lessons each savvy, socially skilled young leader should have absorbed through Capitol Manners cotillion program.
Interested students can always contact us for personal consultations, a list of further lessons, or just to be in contact on how to solve a tricky etiquette question or challenge. But if memory fails and a refresher is needed, just remember the root of all good manners is kindness. “Nothing is less important than which fork you use. Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is ethics. It is honor,” as Emily Post said.
This guide should help you succeed in almost any social challenge you face. So here we go. WARNING: Bookmark this page for life. It’s a keeper!
The Six Habits of a Responsible Person That Lead to Success
According to Forbes magazine, 85% of our future success is based on having good social skills. Being responsible is the first step. Why? Because according to the great, social justice leader Mahatma Ghandi, “Beliefs become your thoughts. Thoughts become your words. Words become your actions. Actions become your habits. Habits become your values. Values become your destiny.”
Being on time and do not cancel at the last minute
Have a positive attitude
Do not talk poorly about others
Use kind language and respect authority
Apologize for mistakes
Respect other’s opinions
The Six Magic Words and Phrases That are Worth More Than Money
These simple words are more powerful than any amount of money in the world to make people feel considered, valued, respected, acknowledged and appreciated. No one has said it better than the iconic American writer and poet, Maya Angelou. “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Use these words over and over each day.
Thank you
Please
May I?
Excuse me
I am sorry
You are welcome
The Eight Essential Characteristics of Making a Good First Impression
Make eye contact – Try to look directly at the person you are speaking to for at least 6 seconds.
Have a strong handshake – Shake a person’s hand firmly -web to web. Grab the person’s whole hand. Shake from the elbow, two shakes and let go.
Speak up – Annunciation and pronunciation are the key.
Include your first name and last name – Say your first name and last name when introducing yourself. We can’t all be “Beyonce”.
Remember a friendly gesture – If you can’t shake hands, nod your head, bow, or touch elbows – acknowledging the other person is important.
Don’t forget to have good body language – Stand up straight, don’t cross your arms in front of you blocking interaction, and remember to cross your legs appropriately. Make sure you are wearing the right clothes for the occasion.
Smile – A person can see a smile from across a football field. Use your smile power.
Provide a greeting – “Good morning”, “good afternoon”, “how are you?” These simple greetings go along way.
The Nine Must Know Top Dinner Manners
Chew with your mouth closed.
Keep your smartphone off the table and set to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal.
Hold utensils correctly. Don’t use your fork or spoon like a shovel.
Remember to use your napkin. Leave it on your lap during the meal and only put it back on the table when you are finished eating.
Work from the outside to the inside when determining what utensil to use. Remember B and D…bread of the left and drinks on the right.
Pace yourself with fellow diners. Cut only one piece of food at a time.
Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating.
Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you. Pass food clockwise from the right to left.
Bring your best self to the meal. Take part in the dinner conversation.
The Six Secret Powers of Having a Successful Conversation
Lead with a compliment - Compliments are the best possible way to begin a conversation. Not only do they provide a perfect opening line but also a possible door for discussion. Just remember, the more specific your compliment is, the better.
Embrace small talk – You can talk about the event you’re attending, comment on a food or drink item, point something out about the venue, or you can talk about the weather. These are all shared experiences that anyone can relate to.
Ask a lot of questions - Look for any opportunity that leads you to change the subject. Questions are conversational fuel. Pay attention as much as you can to the conversation and use them to move it forward.
Be nice - Walk into the conversation with a big smile and open body language. Try not to cross your arms, appear distracted or let your eyes wander.
Let the other person do the talking - You go into a conversation and immediately begin dominating it with your own anecdotes, comments and explanations, the other person may immediately become disinterested.
Keep it light - Remember to keep the conversation as light and approachable as possible. If you immediately start complaining about your job or talking about what’s wrong with your life, people will want to avoid you. If you tell a joke or an amusing story, they’ll be far more likely to stay.
Social Media Manners are a Must
Exercise the Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you wouldn't speak to the person that way face to face, then don't do it online.
Remember everything you post online is public - It doesn't matter whether or not you delete the message or text. If you've published it, it's traceable.
DON'T USE ALL CAPS. All CAPS is a form of internet shouting.
Speak kind- ly - There's another person on the receiving end.
Don't post things when you're angry - It's never a good idea to post something when you're emotional. Take some time to clear your head. Don’t regret what you post.
Don't make up silly email addresses - You will use your email address for college applications, job applications, resumes, and scholarship opportunities.
Don't post pictures of yourself or others unless you mind them being shared with everyone on the planet - Ask yourself if your parents would approve. If it's a friend's photo, ask yourself if their parents would want that photo posted. If the answer's "no" then don't.
Don't talk to strangers - Don't reveal confidential things. You may feel that you know the person on the other end of your cyber connection, but they might be a phony person.
Don't give out personal and confidential information online - Never share your full name, home address, phone number, passwords, names of family members, or credit numbers. Never.
Dating Pointers Learned Through Dance
Often times the most fun and anxious portion of our cotillion program is the dance lessons. Humans by nature have a love hate relationship with the controlled inhibition of dancing. And ballroom dancing for teens and young adults is often stressful to say the least. But during this time our students not only learn how to keep time with music, control the movements of their bodies while learning traditional couples dance steps but also how to treat a member of the opposite sex. Essential skills for dating. Here is what you learned at Cotillion about dating without knowing it.
Offer your arm or hand – to your companion, date, mom, someone special you want to make a connection with. There is an invaluable simple power of embracing and holding hands that is so important to human interaction. Always ask permission first.
Introduce yourself and use your first and last name - If you want to make a good impression, a lasting one, a person needs to know your first and last name when you meet them and that you have the confidence to say your name loudly and clearly.
Offer to pull the chair out for your date – This is an especial note for our young gentlemen. There is gender equity today and there are simple acts of kindness. You can even ask permission but always offer. Remember the secret is to just pull it out a foot to ensure enough too but not to much.
Make eye contact – It is key to connecting with your date. Key to dancing with ease and important to make a connection. Why not do it?
Give sincere compliments and open-ended questions – Everyone likes to know you enjoy their company, enjoy the conversation, know you are interested in them. Utilize your cotillion conversation skills while dating and you will be a success.
Introduce her/him to those they don’t know – That makes them feel acknowledged and present. At cotillion you learned this invaluable skill.
Offer to get her/him a refreshment – When you are at a party, and there is food and beverage its polite to offer to see your date a drink or snack. They will appreciate the gesture and reciprocate.
Thank them for their company – At the end of the night or event, or after a dance, thank them for giving you their company time, for having a conversation or going on the date. Everyone likes to be appreciated.
Dance with him or her – Cotillion is a priceless experience to learn manners and dance. If there is music playing find a partner. Enjoy yourself. Show off your skills. Don’t be afraid of embarrassing yourself. You have the skills now. They will just enjoy you asked and because you committed the time to cotillion you are well on your way to be successful in life and on the dance floor